well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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