dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
