Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
