If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize