I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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