I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
