Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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