i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
