worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize