Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize