shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
