Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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