OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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