id be glad to
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
