Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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