Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
