yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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