I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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