Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
