Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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