I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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