why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
