he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
