As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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