He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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