No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
