I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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