i'm signing you up for texting rehab
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
