We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
