I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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