So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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