Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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