wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
