I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
