I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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