I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
