their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just saw a hot homeless man
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
