Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
