I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
