Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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