I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
