you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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