How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
