a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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