meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the condom got lost in my hair
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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