one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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