i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
