I got chris browned last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
