I'm going to jail i love you
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
