Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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