if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
