All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
