I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
