I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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