I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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