i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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