I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
