When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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