Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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