Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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