I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
