Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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