Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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