just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
