they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
