I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
