I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
