i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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