I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
