She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
