When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
