I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize